The Imperfect Art of the Ritual

“The human soul can always use a new tradition. Sometimes we require them.”
― Pat Conroy, The Lords of Discipline

As the above quote states, sometimes it is good for us to develop a new tradition, a new ritual, a new way of doing or seeing things. Elevating the mundane in our lives can be very spiritual. Maybe because our world has seemed particularly topsy turvy over the past few years, or perhaps because I am 61 years old and feeling the subtle pressure to make every moment count, I have been tweaking my own daily routines and priorities. I have been figuring out what does and doesn’t work to maximize what brings me joy and what enhances my life. Conversely, it is important to pinpoint what drains me or brings me down. In essence, establishing rituals and routines can be a bit of a numbers game — adding and subtracting here and there to create as sweet and blissful a day as possible. It is a work in progress!

I should preface that I am not tackling religious rituals that are ancient, sacred and deeply personal. I am no theologian or even remotely equipped to discuss that. All I know is that now and then I will pick up my Siddur, the Jewish prayer book and go at it. It gives me comfort to know it is always there for me when I need it. My copy is marked up all over the margins from a time when I had lessons from a young Rabbi who was helping me deal with grief and loss. I was intent on finding meaning to my situation, and answers to big questions like WHY? But today’s blog is more about fluffy little rituals, even though the spiritual aspect to these routines will appear if you look for them.

For instance, Muriel Barbery, author of The Elegance of the Hedgehog, says “When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things.” Here, here! She adds, “Where is beauty to be found? In great things that, like everything else, are doomed to die, or in small things that aspire to nothing, yet know how to set a jewel of infinity in a single moment?” I’m not crazy about the “doomed to die” part of the quote; but appreciating the “greatness in small things” seems to me to be the crux of ritual. Since our lives are comprised of the small moments, why not make the most of them? I absolutely love British TV shows and dramas, and certainly the tea ritual is the height of civility. If you ever watched The Crown, the fate of the British Empire was often determined whilst the Queen stirred a silver spoon in a delicate porcelain tea cup.

No offense to tea lovers, but I feel this kind of reverence for the beauty in small things when I have my cup of coffee in the morning. I use a Keurig, so my routine is rather consolidated. I have used both an elegant French press and a vintage percolator in the past, but I’m usually impatient for my cup of joe, especially on work days. Sometimes I will steam my milk in a special frothing device, or add a spicy mixture of cinnamon and turmeric (I’ve read that these spices are good for us, so why not?)

If I want to get really philosophical and deep with the meanings behind rituals, there is no one better to turn to than the great writer and thinker, Joseph Campbell. He said:

“A ritual is the enactment of a myth. And, by participating in the ritual, you are participating in the myth. And since myth is a projection of the depth wisdom of the psyche, by participating in a ritual, participating in the myth, you are being, as it were, put in accord with that wisdom, which is the wisdom that is inherent within you anyhow. Your consciousness is being re-minded of the wisdom of your own life. I think ritual is terribly important.”

Huh?

Joseph Campbell was Irish Catholic but at a very early age became obsessed with Native American culture along with their rites and rituals. I remember his very evocative The Power of Myths interviews with Bill Moyers back in the day. A more accessible (and famous) quote from him is “Follow your bliss.” Yes, that I can do!

Campbell’s statement above is pretty heavy. I think he means that following rituals is like getting in touch with your deepest consciousness. Maybe. Being mindful. Perhaps. Anyway, when I first started researching ritual, all sorts of bizarro, demonic images came up. I am afraid of what will appear in my algorithms now. Who wants animal sacrifices in their inbox? Not me!

For me, and for the sake of today’s blog, a ritual simply should be a task that is performed on a regular basis that brings you joy. Something that steadies your nerves, feeds your spirit, and makes any day special. I have been doing a lot of reading about how small habits can bring great rewards, so I have created bite sized rituals in my own day that have helped me.

Here is a sampling of a few of my favorite rituals throughout the morning:

1. Listening to positive affirmations/meditations every morning. No matter what. A lifesaver.
2. Making a “To Do” list. Even if I don’t get to everything, it gives me direction.
3. Aforementioned Coffee. (No matter the latest study about whether coffee is good or not good for me, I will always drink it.)
4. Checking my bank accounts to make sure all is well. My OCD rearing it’s ugly head.
5. Practicing gratitude. No matter what is going on, there is something to be grateful for.

In the evening, I will:

1. Take a shower. Some people like morning showers. I prefer mine in the evening as it is relaxing.
2. Use a diffuser with eucalyptus oil.
3. Give my cats a little dry food snack. They’re so cute when they crunch their food!
4. Say goodnight to my daughter and husband and tell them I love them.
5. Feel more gratitude.

I am in the process of reading Maye Musk, Elon’s model/dietician mom’s memoir, A Woman Makes a Plan. She has a fascinating life and has her own morning rituals. “At home, my dog wakes me up or sometimes I wake him up if I have to get started early. I have my cup of coffee with milk and a sweetener, he has his treat. He never forgets that he gets a treat every time I put the kettle on. We then go for a walk…. I try to do brisk walks alone for at least 30 minutes every day, stretch for 15 minutes and weights for 10 minutes. I don’t over exercise.” I am glad to hear that Maye, a very glamorous model, loves her coffee as much as I do. The exercise part of her ritual is something I need to work on.

I found this interesting article (link below) that describes Your Perfect Day, According to Experts, which lays out different routines and rituals that are guaranteed to be PERFECT. This scares me a little bit, because I don’t seek perfection anymore…just the thought of it makes me laugh out loud. But if you want some tips on how to have the PERFECT breakfast, the PERFECT morning skincare routine, etc., then have at it. Meanwhile, I am now going to crawl into a dark, lumpy, IMPERFECT hole.

https://edit.sundayriley.com/your-perfect-day-according-to-experts/

In my humble opinion, daily rituals should be fun or beautiful or elegant or bring you joy at the very least. Don’t overthink them or ponder them too much; but attention to those small moments can brighten our days and enhance our experience on Earth. Another article I found on my quest for the meaning behind rituals was in a Yoga journal. Yoga can definitely fit into the ritual/spiritual/good for mind and body category. Hello, Sun Salutation! One of the great ways to begin a day! This article also mentions the lost art of mealtimes without cell phones and other distractions. That is one thing we try to do at our house, as well. Sometimes, if there is a business emergency or something important going on, we break that unwritten rule, though that is the exception.

I would love to hear from my readers what rituals you have incorporated into your daily hustle and bustle that make your life more meaningful and artful. Any new ones you are thinking about adding? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make myself a spot of tea and recite Shakespeare.